Calloww

<Nostrum>

(EU) Kazzak

Blood Elf Havoc Demon Hunter

heard bad shit about me? dont believe it hoes hate me cuz im cute

measurements: 187cm / 89kg / 22cm under 10% bodyfat year round

lost 120 pounds in 2 days fitness trainers hate me wtf did i do DM for diet plan

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Outside WoW achievements:

• 2005 Yu-Gi-Oh world champion
• 2018 miss Sweden runner up
• rank 69 forbes magazine most wanted men
• rank 4 on mia malkova top donators list
• rank 42 soundcloud DJ
• auditioned for swedish idol
• vegan feminist since april 4th 2020

keep lurking hoe i see u hating ;) ;) ;)

---------------- My experience: ----------------

December 7th 2020:

I wake up at 5 in the morning. I stare at the ceiling for a couple minutes, depression and shallowness take over me. The feeling of emptiness is there yet again. I slowly put my clothes on, walk to the bathroom, wash my face, brush my teeth, the usual… I take my gym bag and step outside into the freezing swedish darkness. The cold breeze cuts into my cheeks, but I don't mind. All I know is pain and torture anyway. I come to the gym and the 1.8k rio demon hunter is there again. ''HEY CALLOW HEY MAN WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT DH IN SHADOWLANDS I THINK ESSENCE BREAK IS REALLY FUN I LOVE YOU CALLOW PLEASE NOTICE ME KEKWPEPEDOGPEE'' he says. I don't acknowledge him. I walk past him. I don't even look at the virgin. Why would I talk to him? My m+ points are too high. Who the fuck does he think he is? I change my clothes and step to the dumbell rack. It's arms day. I take the 20kgs and start curling. I can feel the blood pumping into my perfectly symmetrical biceps. Out of the corner of my eye I notice the holy priest e-girl that ghosted me on tinder. She's checking me out, but I don't care. ''Hey sexy wanna teach me how to set my hearthstone to Oribos this weekend? 😉'' she says. I ignore her. You reap what you sow. I finish my workout and step in the shower. I let the cold water wash over my body. I wrap a towel around my hips and stare at myself in the mirror. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I feel empty. I'm a nobody. Who am I? What have I become? I question myself and my decisions for the first time in my life. I change my clothes again and leave the gym. I come to my office, sit down and turn the computer on. I need help. I have no friends, nobody wants me anymore. Just when I open the suicide prevention hotline number the secretary walks in bringing coffee. She notices what I'm looking at and says ''Callow, you know I'm here for you right? You can talk to me babe.'' We stare at eachother for a minute. My eyes start watering, my lips trembling. I can't hold it in anymore. ''Frida… Frida I-I sim… Frida I sim 2.7k.''

​

December 8th 2020:

Part of the reason why I moved to Sweden was because I met my ex. Me and her are in a very complicated relationship. For the first two months of us hanging out together, we did nothing but snort coke and fuck. After a while we had this briliant idea of moving in together, which was a mistake. The longer we lived together the more we realized we're really attracted to eachothers looks, but our personalities are not compatible. I'm obviously perfect, but she's a bit… different. I run on a very tight schedule every day and she's never on time. If you offered her a million dollars to come to work on time one fucking day, she wouldn't do it. It kinda pisses me off. Anyway, me and my ex decided to still live together until one of us finds a partner that we like. We're kinda in that friends with benefits type of relationship. Sex is great, so why not?

I wake up as my alarm goes off and sit on the edge of my bed. I look behind me and see my ex laying in bed with her naked back turned towards me. ''Beautiful'' I think to myself, ''if only she wasn't so fucking stupid''. I sit there replaying the events that transpired last night. I asked my ex if I can share this story and she agreed while expressing the desire to stay anonymous. So we're gonna call her Caroline, because that's her actual name.

I was laying in bed naked on my back with nothing but the sound of my ex slurping on my Johnson while laying between my legs. I was in absolute bliss. Blowjobs are the only thing that make me forget about my nightmarish life. It wasn't until I felt her hand lift up my balls and her tongue trailing very close to the danger area.

Me: ''Yo yo yo yo stop stop stop hold up. What was that? What are you doing?'' I panicked.

Ex: ''Nothing I - I thought you might like if I… you know… lick your butthole a little bit…''

Me: ''Why the fuck would you think that?'' I spat.

Ex: ''Well I read about it… it said guys really like it if you do it to them.''

Me: ''Huh? You read about it? Where'd you read about it?''

*complete silence*

Me: ''Caroline where did you read that? I swear to god Caroline if you were reading that fucking Cosmopolitan magazine again…''

Ex: ''I'm sorry.''

Me: ''Jesus fucking Christ.''

Ex: ''I'm sorry okay, I can't help it. I ordered Kim Kardashian's lipstick and there was a coupon for 20% off for the next 12 Cosmopolitan magazines.''

Me: I facepalm for a minute and stare at her in disbelief. ''Why are you wasting money on this bullshit? I mean how the fuck would you feel if I spent 150k on a fucking darkmoon deck trinket when the fucking expansion launches?''

Ex: ''fhjghjsajhg'' She muffles under her chin.

Me: ''Huh? What? I can't hear you!''

Ex: ''B-Bad. I would feel bad.''

Me: ''That's right. You would feel bad. Now get the fuck out of my bed and go cancel your fucking Cosmo subscription… and come back wearing stockings or something idk you know I love that shit.

Ex: ''Yes daddy.''

I step outside and put my headphones on. While walking to the gym I'm blasting Cardi B's song called WAP. My friend Tom, a plumber from London, said WAP stands for wet ass pussy. To be honest I don't really like Cardi B, but Kylie Jenner is in the WAP music video and the song reminds me of my desire to fuck her brains out. Today is back day. I sit on the lat pulldown machine and not even 10 minutes into my workout I feel someone tip on my shoulder. I look behind me and… ''this fucking guy I swear to god''. ''Hey Callow I tried momentum yesterday. I think the talent really separates the good demon hunters from the bad. Very skillful talent XD. Also I sim 2.9k when I choose it. I think you should try it too.'' the 1.8k dh says. I stare at him in fucking disbelief with my mouth half open. At this point I can't tell if he's serious or not but I look at him from head to toe and notice he's wearing yellow crocs with white socks and a 2009 Blizzcon T-shirt. I ignore him as per usual. Season starts tomorrow and so does my downfall. I really hope Markus and his gang of officers don't look at the dps meters.

​

December 11th 2020:

The season started this week and with it a new raid came out and a new PvP season. After raiding with the guild for the past two days it became very obvious that it's gonna take a lot more to prove that I'm the best player in the world this time around. On the dps meter I took 17th place. I was sweating my balls trying to beat Natal, who's a tank btw. On the last boss Markus split the raid into 6 groups and put me in the 6th one ALONE letting me know I'm the bitch of the guild. There's only one option that remains. I need to get gladiator this season. I need to prove the haters wrong. Demon Hunters got this new ability called The Hunt. It's the only one that doesn't heal right now. Normally I would only hunt my officer Subservient to tilt the living daylight out of him. It worked last expansion. The guy literally quit WoW and started playing Street Fighter 2. But this time… the hunt goes deeper. This time I am fighting myself. The demon inside me. The inner demon that doubts me.

I couldn't sleep so I decided I'm gonna play some 2s. I apply to about 47 groups and as expected I get no invites. Nobody wants a dh. So I make my own and sit there in group finder like some depressed sack of donkey shit and wait for some poor miserable soul to queue up with a DH. It wasn't until 2 hours later that someone finally applied. Like mother Mary herself he popped up in that queue. A discipline priest named ButtBlasterLarry. Not the best combo, but it will do. After all, I did hit 2.6 last season so surely going through these placement matches cant go that bad.

''Discord?'' I ask.

''Sure UwU :3 XD <3 GIGAKEKW'' he replies.

Damn it, it's one of those twitch chat degenerates. We exchange discord contact info so we hop on some anime porn server and join a channel. The green light next to Larry's name lights up and a gentle ''Hey'' comes out of her mouth. It's a girl. My god... Oh. My. Fucking. God. I get a raging boner. I instantly feel the urge to fuck the shit out of my monitor. I start sweating uncontrolably. I want to send her a picture of my dick so bad but by some miracle I remain focused on my gladiator goal.

We queue up and our first game is against an unholy death knight and a mistweaver monk. Since there is no way in hell I will ever catch the stupid monk I decide to run down the enemy DK until deep dampening. Easy. Larry meets the DK in the middle of the map and fights him. I decide to hide behind the pillar and pretend I'm afk so that maybe they pop all their cooldowns and we get an easy advantage. My disc priest drops the guy down to 80% and forces his defensive. This is it, this is my chance. Like a hungry lion in his prime I jump on my prey and transform into a demon mid air. I fel rush into a pillar while trying to reach him, which stops me for a second, but no matter. I land on top of him. Eye beam, blade dance, chaos strike. Boom. After 30 seconds of showcasing myself as an unstoppable killing machine the DK's health moves from 80 to 85%. I want to fucking slit my wrists at this point.

''It's okay cutie I got you. Give me one second :3'' says Larry on discord.

She pops whatever the fuck disc priests have and drops DK to 5%. I stun the guy, press The Hunt and he drops dead on the floor. Immediately I am overwhelmed by the feeling of pure joy. I carried ButtBlasterLarry. I carried her to victory and +90 arena points. I am the reason she won this game. For a couple seconds I felt on top of the world until… my eyes glanced at the bottom right section of my screen where my Details DPS meter lays rest. I inspect it further and what I see shatters me inside. At 1.7k ButtBlasterLarry took the first place. LactatingQueenMonica, the enemy DK, at second place with 1.3k dps. Right below her enemy mistweaver AlexisTexas with 700dps. At 4th place all the fucking DK pets and then me. 5th place… 469 dps.

''AHAHHHAAHAHah you stupid little cocksucking beta boy look at you I bet you like watching other men fuck your girlfriend'' screams ButtBlasterLarry.

I am a man of pure class and morals, I don't disrespect women. This time however, my feelings are hurt. I want to tell the hoe to go fuck herself. But I can't. I sit frozen in my chair. My eyes are glued to the dps chart. I blackout. I feel sick to my stomach. I rush to the bathroom and throw up violently. I feel like a mother who's child just got kidnapped by a mexican drug cartel. Absolutely shattered I lay there shaking on the bathroom floor until I pass out.

Five minutes later which felt like eternity, I got woken up by the sounds of TV from the bedroom. Caroline is watching Once Upon A Time In Philadelphia again. A show I absolutely despise, because some bitch keeps saying ''whoopsies''. I run back to my PC. Larry is long gone. I whisper her she's nothing but a stupid fat cow milker, but all I get back is *This person is ignoring you*. I admit defeat. The player got played. I turn my PC off and stare at the blank screen. That's it, I'm done. It's over. I walk to the bedroom and find Caroline watching her show. I feel no emotions anymore. I lay down with my back faced towards her, hug my Finding Nemo pillow and hope she won't notice I'm crying. Couple minutes later she turns the TV off and spoons me.

''You wanna put it in my ass tonight babe?'' She asks.

''Okay.''

:)

​

December 14th 2020:

Today is one of those days when everything goes wrong. It's also one of the 2 days per week when I inject steroids. I do it every 3.5 days at precisely 5 in the morning. However, today I encountered a slight problem. You see for injecting roids you need 2 sizes of needles. One is for drawing the juice from the vial (21G) and the other one is for injecting (25G). Obviously the drawing one is much bigger and longer as it makes it easier to get the stuff out into the syringe. However, I ran out of 25G injecting needles so I had to inject with a 21G. If you are on juice you probably shivered right now. But for those who are not, injecting yourself with a 21G needle is pretty much like sitting down on a fucking fire hydrant, except you dont go up when you feel that slight stab, you sit down all the way until the mentioned fire hydrant is about 20 inches up your ass and then you stand up.

I come to work, open the news on my PC and find out that my native country's borders are closed because of COVID, so now I can't go home and see my family and old friends. I'm gonna be alone on Christmas eve too because Caroline already made plans to party with some fake titty stripper friends. Fuck my life bros I need to figure something out because if I'm gonna be playing WoW during the entire holiday season I might as well put the suicide prevention number on speed dial.

Anyway, I'm sitting here at work feeling down with nothing to do. I open Mia Malkova's twitch stream and donate $600 because I need to feel loved and appreciated.

''Awwww cutie you didn't have to do that babyboy'' she says with a big smile on her face.

''Heh, no worries 😊 Love the new curtains…'' I reply. FYI I don't give a flying fuck about her new curtains. I just need to act nice so I get the 50% discount on her onlyfans videos.

''Oh thank you so much!!! I bought them yesterday. By the way honey I sent you a new video on onlyfans.'' She says while winking at me.

See what I'm talking about? I'm fucking winning in life. I login to my onlyfans page and right there in my DMs a new video is waiting for me. $100 for a 5 minute video. Other dipshits have to pay $200, but I got the discount. Lmfao retards. Let's fucking go boys. I put Mia in a good mood. I'm a fucking champion. It's time for pole waxing. I open the video and start flogging the dolphin in the most dangerous conditions possible. I can't lock my office door and based on experience I have about 5 minutes until Frida comes into my office bringing coffee. There's only one problem. I have no lube. I put my guy back in my pants and run downstairs to the company kitchen. I open the fridge trying to find anything that I could lubricate my pole with. Milk? No. Peanut better? Nah. Salsa? Hmmm… tomatoes and onions are inside. Could be good texture. Sure, why not. I take the cup of salsa and run at sonic speed back in my office. I have about 3 minutes left until Frida's not so welcome arrival. I sit down, pull my pants down and spread the salsa sauce all over my johnson. Feels kinda cold but a few moments later, I feel like I'm on the 9th level of Dante Allighieri's burning hell and Satan himself is giving me a blowjob. It is what it is now. I need to finish what I started. In utter pain and agony I stroke my shaft. How am I able to do it you might be wondering? Because Caroline's handjobs are so unbelievably bad my dork feels like it's getting strangled every time she performs them, but I don't have the heart to tell her. Two minutes later I erupt like fucking Niaghara Falls all over my monitor. I sit there leaning back on my chair, pants around my ankles with my limp dick on fire resting on my thigh, covered in the spicy sauce. I decide it's time to clean up the mess and just when I stand up, Frida comes in. I'm standing there butt naked facing her not knowing what the fuck to do.

''Why is your dick out?'' she wonders.

''I don't know.'' I blurt out.

''Well put it away.''

''Okay.''

''Is… is that my salsa?''

''Y-Yes…''

''Can I have it back?''

''Sure.''

''Here's your coffee Callow. You need anything else?''

''No, I'm fine.''

I'm gonna rate this start of the week a solid 2/10. It's a 2 only because I got a piece of loot for once in yesterday's raid. I performed pretty well until my friend Patrick decided to disrespect me in front of everybody.

''Hey Callow stop dropping shit on tanks.'' He said to me.

Usually I would let myself get bullied like that but it's time to take matters into my own hands and get back at him. Know your worth. Patrick is a die hard Shawn Mendes fan. So I decided to catfish him. I made a fake discord profile, added him and spewed some bullshit how he's my number one fan. I told him I'm gonna be in Copenhagen (Patrick lives there) on Christmas eve. I think he took the bait. Motherfucker is gonna be really suprised when he steps into the VIP section and realizes he's at The Pussycat Dolls concert.

https://imgur.com/a/Tnsmp6k

​

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March 23rd 2021:

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Guess who's back motherfuckers. I know, I know… It's been a while, but I was busy okay?! So what have I been up to you might be wondering? Well, I took a break from writing around winter holidays. On December 25th, the day some of you casuals call Christmas, Belle Delphine released her first sex tape. Another 100$ well spent. I never jerked it to an IRL anime girl. It felt different. Not bad, but I will never do it again.

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Shadowlands start was pretty much amazing but as time went on I kinda realized the game is just as cancer bad as always. My opinion is ofcourse a little biased since I made the decision to play a healer under the disguise of havoc dh. The pain and misery still very much surrounds me, but I did not give in. Blade Dance is somehow still not worth pressing an entire year since they made changes. So as you might imagine the one and only appropriate change they decided to make was to buff Fel Rush to the surprise of absolutely fucking no one. Convoke is also still in the game and apparently the base damage on it is equal to the main game developer's cocaine dealer's phone number. You thought BFA destro locks were bad? Guess again. Warrior matchups and 10k 4 sec CD Condemns are also an absolute joy to play against. However, I somehow still managed to reach my desired Gladiator rating in multiple brackets. Not the title, just the rating because once I hit ''high cr'' I was sitting in LFG for multiple hours a day. Also, I top dpsed last two mythic bosses. You should really check Sire Denathrius logs. Just don't look at phase 3 damage because nobody cares about that one since it's not important.

So yeah… even though I wanted to slit my wrists with a chainsaw on multiple occasions I have successfully proven the haters wrong. I once again showed everyone I am by far the best player in the world. My guild officers might act like it's nothing special but I know for a fact they are praising me with glory in their special hidden discord channel. It is what it is guys. We had some good laughs, but my favorite moment was when Sub thought he could finally enjoy ONE thing in his life which was to use Power Infusion on himself. Very delusional thing so it was ofcourse quickly taken away from him.

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But enough about that. As I mentioned in my previous diary entries – me and Caroline do not have compatible personalities. So on March 10th 2021 we had a huge fight and ultimately decided to break up and go our separate ways. She picked up her stuff and moved out without saying goodbye. On March 14th 2021 she moved back in. Somebody fucking shoot me I'm not even kidding. HOWEVER! Those four days inbetween made me feel very free and relieved. I could finally wake up in the morning and rip out a nasty loud alpha fart. No more sneaky little farts and blaming the cat for bad smell in the room.

I woke up the day after our breakup and went to the bathroom fully aware I'm about to take the most disgusting fat shit of my entire life. As I was sitting there on the toilet committed to my ritual I started contemplating my next move. I'm single now. I can do whatever I want. My steroid cycle started couple weeks prior so my testosterone levels are quite high. I took my phone out of my pocket and downloaded Tinder. I swipe right on every single girl I encounter because desperate times call for desperate measures. Fifteen minutes later I get my first match and message.

''Hola papi como estas'' says the 24 year old Spanish exchange student named Shakira.

''No hablas espanol puta English or afk'' I respond.

''Wanna come get nasty with me papito? 😉'' she asks.

''Hell yeah mami!'' I say.

She texts me the address to her dorm room and tells me to meet her in an hour. I sit up from the toilet and look at the abomination I just gave birth to laying there clogging the toilet and get overwhelmed by pride and emotions. It's… amazing.

I do some pushups, take a shower, put on a nice and fresh pair of clothes and head out. On my way there I keep wondering what exactly she meant with ''get nasty''. It's probably another one of those daddy issues girls, or maybe she likes to be spanked or choked. This gonna be nice let's fucking go. I come to the dorm room and call her while waiting outside.

''Hola mi amor it's me where are you?'' I ask

''3rd floor, door number 8.'' She says.

I take the elevator to the 3rd floor and knock on the door.

''COME IIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN'' she yells.

I step in and the room looks like one of those hijacked World Trade Center airplanes just crashed into it. The entire area smells like weed and there's smoke everywhere. I don't know what the fuck is going on until Shakira greets me.

''Like what you see cabron?'' She winks at me.

I am fucking amazed and astonished and shocked to the core all at the same time. It's not Shakira that's in front of me. It's fucking Snorlax. She easily weighs 170kg. Holy fucking shit I didn't know I signed up for a threesome. She's wearing a bra that fit her about 15 years ago because both her tits are hanging out, a pair of stockings drilled with holes and no panties.

''Here, take a hit.''

She passes me the bong and after I take a hit I feel like I just inhaled a box of firecrackers. I start coughing like I just got infected by stage 4 lung cancer. She grabs my hand and takes me to her bedroom.

''Open it daddy.'' She instructs.

I open the closet and what I see inside amazes me even more. Whips, handcuffs, ball gags, ropes, dildos, vibrators, buttplugs all sorts of underwear, you name it. I realize I just walked into Satan's devious bunker and she is about to unleash her every single sexual desire on me. She drops down on her knees, unzips my pants and starts devouring my dick like its a piece of lasagna. 11/10 blowjob I shit you not. She picks me up and throws me on the bed (literally) then proceeds to handcuff me. She stomps on the bed on moves on top of me with her vagina directly above my dick. I look between her legs and a funny liquid that looks like melted cheese is dribbling down her legs. She starts squating down and the world just stops. I'm looking at Titanic itself sinking into the North Atlantic ocean. Finally, Shakira reaches her destination. I want you to go buy a sausage and throw it in a hallway because that's what it felt like. My willy invaded Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets. I am convinced Basilisk is still alive waiting for its prey in there. She proceeds to violently ride my dick like the apocalypse is about to happen any moment now.

''FUCK YEAH YOU LIKE THAT, YOU FUCKING RETARD?'' She growls at me like a rabid grizzly bear.

We're sweating like crazy. The entire dorm building is shaking and about to collapse. I am having the time of my life. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Shakira lifts her body with one final stroke and aims her pussy at me. Her vajayjay squirts like Mount Vesuvius that is about to eradicate the city of Pompeii. She falls on her back and tries to catch her breath. I lay there in disbelief covered in something that looks like cheese piss. She unlocks the handcuffs and tells me to get the fuck out of her room.

So that's about it for now guys. I hope you all have a nice day and in case you ever feel good or special just remember you are all beneath me. Stay mad.